The Difference Between Coaching & Therapy (and why it matters)
Healing and transformational work are not the same thing.
Transformational work can be healing. Healing can be transformational. But the door through which you enter matters.
Why?
Because if you are looking for healing and you end up in a more “transformational” setting, it can hurt. It can feel abrasive, misattuned, or get you hooked on the escape of “state change” without doing anything for the underlying wound, causing the same patterns in different forms.
In the same vein, if you are looking for a transformational experience and you end up in a “therapy” setting, it can feel like spending a lot of time going nowhere, possibly bringing more energy to past issues that don’t actually need to be revived, re-creating unnecessary pain.
How to know what you need:
You might be looking for healing if you feel frequently upset, have big emotional ups and downs, have recently suffered a significant loss, consistently struggle with financial stability, have a family history that includes abuse, neglect, or substance use/abuse, or if you struggle with your own addiction of some kind.
This is not an all-inclusive list; it is just meant to offer a general shape of meaning.
On the other hand, you might be looking for transformation if your basic needs are generally stable – you feel like you have a solid baseline, but there’s still something more available to you. The foundational components of your life are taken care of (i.e. your basic needs are met) so you can turn your attention to shaking it all up and amplifying parts of your life (or even the whole of your life) to the next level.
Why is this distinction important?
Fundamentally, therapists *are supposed to* offer healing. Healing is like a nurturing cushion for you to sink into – it is slow and gentle(ish), offers insights, discovery and deep long term repatterning. It goes at the pace of the slowest part of you. The experience can feel challenging, but the process itself is held with deep and attuned care.
One of the number one components of healing is time; specifically, you must allow an appropriate amount of time for the body and mind to recalibrate and repair.
Fundamentally, coaches are in the business of (in addition to offering practical support), transformation.
Transformation is powerful, action-oriented, sometimes destabilizing, often challenging, and often focused on a specific area. Coaches are ideally attuned and in deep care of their clients, but it is assumed that their clients can handle some of the “tough love” aspects of facilitating growth, and can advocate for their tender spots on their own.
Sometimes I think of Therapy as “Good Cop” and Coaching as “Bad Cop” in the good cop/bad cop dynamic. I know that doesn’t take into account all the nuances, but for a quick descriptor, it kinda works for me.
Now, can you benefit from a transformational experience in the midst of a healing process? Of course. And vice versa. Can you have both a coach and a therapist at the same time? Absolutely, as long as both are clear on their respective “lanes.”
Can one practitioner wear both hats with a client? Yes, but it requires a great deal of training and discernment. If it is done, it must be with consent, extreme care, attunement and attention to nuance in the therapeutic relationship.